Disclaimer: Some of this probably sounds like I’m being cocky. I’m not, I swear (I’m not denying that I can be sometimes, just not when it comes to this). It’s facts, that’s all. It’s the way I am, or was, or both.

To start with, let me give you a quick bit of history. I’m a perfectionist, always have been. I was a bright child, and always got good (and I mean good) marks at school. The day I got my Higher results and discovered I didn’t get my 5 As - I got 4 As and a B - I was not a happy bunny (to be fair, I had been told that I needed the 5 As to get into vet school, but anyway). I think it’s part of why I was never *really* happy at the vet school - I passed most of my course work (we won’t mention the exams - there’s a reason I’m not at the vet school any more), but it was an uphill struggle, and while I passed I never really got great marks. I know some people thrive in that sort of situation, but I’m not one of them. Put me in a situation where I have the potential to excel, and I will, to the absolute best of my ability. But I don’t do well if I have to struggle just to get by. Does that make me spoiled?

In all honesty, when I had to leave the vet school last year, I chose chemistry because it seemed like the best option, and at the time it felt right. I think it was. I’m actually enjoying uni now (well, apart from Quantum Theory lectures, anyway *g*), far more than I did at the Dick Vet. Now my bus goes past the vet school in the afternoon on my way back from King’s Buildings (the sciency campus) and I look at it and feel nothing. The only thing I really do miss from there is my friends (okay, one friend in particular, and if he reads this I bet he’s going to be really smug and take that as a compliment and I’m sure it’s not, okay :P).

So anyway. I’ve always been good at chemistry. The fact that I had a really good teacher at high school helped, I’m sure. He was my class tutor for the first 4 years, then he taught my Higher Chem class. I suspect that if it wasn’t for him I probably wouldn’t be studying it now. So once I got out of the vet school, and started my chem course, I started getting the same kind of good marks I was used to once upon a time. For my labs last year, the lowest mark I got was 13/20 (65%) - I think I got that twice out of the 16 labs we had, most were 75% or more. And yes, okay, I did have a bit of a habit of arguing the point if there was a mark I’d lost I didn’t think I should have. I told you, I’m a perfectionist.

So, this week I got back the reports for the first 2 labs this year: 6/10 and 5.5/10. You can imagine how pleased I was (not) with those. They were both quantitative analysis of transition metal compounds - the first one for the anions, the second for the cations (for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, it was pretty much running a series of tests on these unknown compounds to identify what they were). In each report, there were a couple I got wrong. Now, they’re constantly telling us that we’ve just to write down and interpret the results we get, and we’ll get credit for that even if our experimental results aren’t what they should be. But all of mine were checked by a demonstrator before they were handed in (and in one case, the answer I put on is the one the demonstrator told me to use, rather than the one I thought it was - and it turns out my answer was right!). There’s one where it says the solid that was produced should have been soluble in excess solution, and so I didn’t add enough excess - but I added enough to double the volume. It’s not like the whole thing is full of wrong bits, the majority of it is right. So why am I getting such low marks for them? Yes, yes, I know, 55% and 60% aren’t exactly “low” as such (particularly given that the pass mark is 40%), but I’m not happy with them. I’m going to speak to someone, if the problem is at my end (although I can’t understand how it is from just looking at the reports) I want to get it sorted out asap.

In other news, I saw Blood Brothers last week. A friend texted me last Saturday to let me know that Vivienne Carlyle is playing Mrs Johnstone in Glasgow (Linda Nolan is supposed to be playing the role, but her husband died recently), and saying I should go. I was intending to go when the tour reached Edinburgh - next week - anyway, and I probably still will, but I did want to see Vivienne. It was nice to see a show that I’d never seen before, I don’t get to do that much any more. Vivienne was wonderful, but then I expected her to be. The real surprise for me was Antony Costa (formerly of the boy band Blue, for anyone who’s heard of them). I’m not usually a fan of celebrity casting in musicals, but he proved that sometimes it can work. He doesn’t have the best voice in the world, and it’s more pop than musical theatre, but his singing was okay. He does have a real presence though, and he played the role well, his acting was far better than I expected. He and Simon Willmont (who is totally precious as Eddie, I love him) both have great comic timing. And they’re both really nice, which is always a bonus. Overall, I really enjoyed it, and I’ll definitely be going again once the tour reaches Edinburgh - either to see Vivienne again, or to see Linda if she’s back. Actually, the theatre is right beside my uni, and I have spanish class until after 6 three nights a week, so I’ll be making my trip back to the train station via there every night to check for understudy notices, because if any of them go on I’m so there (this is where I love the Festival Theatre, their ticket prices aren’t expensive).

I think that’s probably quite enough rambling for one night.

A. x

Once again, Scotrail proved how splendidly they suck. I feel the need for a letter of complaint again. This afternoon, in the freezing cold and the rain, I (and several others) was left standing on an open platform at Uphall station. Apparently the train we were waiting for was cancelled. Not that Scotrail bothered to let us know this, they just left us standing there in the cold for over half an hour like lemons (the screens at the station aren’t working, and haven’t been working any time I’ve been there over the last few weeks). So by the time the next train arrived, I was freezing, wet, and most definitely late.

My train yesterday morning was cancelled, too - I was late for my lab. Another guy from my course was on the same train though, so at least the taxi I had to get to uni to get me there asap (my lab started at 9 and I didn’t even get into Edinburgh until about 5 past) only cost me £3.50 rather than £7, since we shared it. But still. This happens entirely far too often. They’ve now even lowered their punctuality targets for the east section (containing the Bathgate line) to 90% - everywhere else is in the 96%+ area, and East used to be - so that they don’t have to keep giving everyone with monthly season tickets a 5% discount due to them not making their targets.

Talking of uni stuff, I’ve had to change my subjects. The alternative times for French are only offered second semester, so I’m now doing Spanish and Materials Chemistry this semester. I might do the French next semester instead, or I might just stick with the Environmental Chemistry. We’ll see nearer the time.

I went to see Across the Universe this afternoon. I’m glad I saw it, I’m just not entirely sure I enjoyed it, if that makes sense. It’s very disjointed, and doesn’t really have anything holding it together particularly well. Plus, most of the characters aren’t really fleshed out properly, they’re all a bit flat in various ways. And yet I find myself really wanting to see it again. Mind you, maybe that’s so I can play “Spot the Broadway People”. Seriously, the film is full of them, loads of background characters. It is fun, and for the most part the music is great (granted, it should be, it’s all Beatles stuff).
It was a bit annoying, though - for most of the film, the picture was out of focus. It was absolutely fine for all the ads and trailers, then as soon as the “No recording” etc messages before the film came on, it was suddenly blurry. It did eventually get fixed, I’m not even sure when, I don’t think I noticed straight away. It was a while before it dawned on me that I wasn’t having to squint any more. I meant to complain, actually, but I forgot when I was leaving.

Thanks to the late train, I didn’t have time to stop anywhere for lunch before the film, so I ended up just eating from the Pick n Mix at the cinema, which won’t do my attempts to lose the half a stone I’ve put on since my resits any good. :/ Oh well, I’ll be back to behaving again as of tomorrow. By the time I came out of the cinema (that’s another thing about the film - it’s long), I was feeling pretty dizzy, I’m sure it was just low blood sugar. Went to Subway on the way back to the station, and once I’d eaten I was fine. I’ve been noticing that too often for my liking, though - that I get ill sometimes, even if it’s not particularly long since I’ve eaten (and I have actually eaten proper food). I wonder if I should make an appointment with the nurse to get a diabetes test done just to be on the safe side (my dad’s diabetic).

And for pure amusement purposes (and posterity, since I’m sure it’ll be removed from my facebook status soon) … nice quote from one of my friends yesterday. According to him, I am “The master of wisdom, common sense, and all things that make, er, sense.” *g*

A. x

So, I had my meeting with Gordon (my Director of Studies) yesterday to choose my subjects for this year. This semester, along with my Chemistry, I’m doing the second-level French course, and second-level Spanish course. We’re neglecting to mention the fact that technically I have an A at Higher French so should be in the French 1B language and literature class - it was 4 years ago, my french is too rusty for that now.

Next semester, my Chem continues, and I’m also doing Environmental Chem and basic Italian. So I’ve got a total of 3 different languages this year. Should be fun. Plus, I know it’s possible to get exemption from the official exam for Spanish (I did that in the beginner’s course last year). Not sure whether the other languages offer that or not, but if they do then I could potentially end up with only the chem exams to sit, which would be great. My weakness is exams - I can do the work just fine, but I have been known on more than one occasion to completely blank when I’m put into an exam situation.

It turns out that if I’d paid enough attention (well, been nosey enough really - which usually I am!), I’d have known I was through to second year as soon as I got my first maths result. I’d completely forgotten that the CTD course from the vet school (which was never used to pass a year, so those marks can be counted towards my total for this year) was a full year course, I was assuming it was worth 20 points. You need 120 points to pass the year - each class each semester is worth 20 points, so 3 classes per semester = 120 points total. I took 3 subjects second semester this year so I didn’t need to pass both, but ended up not sitting the Physics because I just couldn’t do it. Maths is split into two separate parts (AM and MM), with 10 points for each. Turns out, CTD was worth 30 points, so that covers the 20 for Physics plus the 10 for the Maths I failed. 20 from each of Chem, Maths and Spanish last semester, 20 from Chem this semester, 10 from passing AM2 at resit plus 30 from CTD = 120 points.

I feel really horrid. One of the guys in the office along the corridor at work has had a really nasty cold/flu type thing, and he’s been being a martyr and coming in anyway. My boss then got it at the start of the week, and has been complaining ever since about David coming in when he was ill and infecting him. But now he’s done exactly the same thing to me! I go back to uni on Tuesday, I could do without being ill. It’s a really bad one, I’m constantly feeling sick and dizzy and I have absolutely no attention span.

Plus, I’m seeing the Aspects of Love tour in Newcastle tomorrow. I’m really not up to spending several hours travelling tomorrow (it should take an hour and a half on the train, but typically, the weekend I’m going down is the weekend there are flipping engineering works on the line! Trains are taking between 2 3/4 and 3 3/4 hours. :/). I’m sure I’ll enjoy myself once I get there, but meh.

Anyone got any suggestions for how to get rid of that horrid, “I’m sick” taste from my mouth?

A. x

My other result went up this morning.  I got 37% (3% off pass mark).  Promptly emailed my Director of Studies to find out what happens with that.  I got a reply from him about an hour ago to say don’t panic, it’s fine.  Worst case scenario is I might have to sit an extra subject this year to make up the credits, but he doesn’t think I’ll even have to do that.

I’m meeting with him on Wednesday afternoon to choose my subjects.  I’d quite like to do the second level french language class if I can, I’m a bit rusty and I’d like to pick it up again (not quite rusty enough to need the absolute beginners’ one though *g*).

I bought a new iPod yesterday (as a companion to Frankie, not a replacement).  There are times/places where I’m not exactly happy at taking my £200+ 60GB video iPod with me, so I now have a 4GB nano that cost me £79.  And considering I was intending to buy a new pair of headphones anyway, that’s effectively £60 since I got new ones with it.  It’s pink! *loves it*

A. x

So, one of my exam results went up yesterday.  I got 51% in AM1 (the pass mark is 40%), so that’s a clear pass.  That’s the one I knew I’d passed, though.  No sign of the MM1 mark yet.  Term starts a week on Tuesday, and as it stands, I don’t know if they’re going to let me back!  I don’t know what happens if I fail one and pass the other (at least I know there’s no chance of me failing both now).  I don’t know whether they’d let me resit the course next year, or just kick me out.  You’d think I’d know by now, but apparently not.  Oh well, my meeting with my DoS to choose my courses is supposed to be on Thursday, I guess I’ll find out then if I don’t know beforehand.

I have a mouthful of ulcers. :(  This is not unexpected, I tend to get them when I’m stressed, and goodness knows I’m stressed at the moment.  I have one on the end of my tongue, which thankfully is healing now, and one right in the left-hand corner, where it gets caught every time I close my jaw.  I can’t eat on that side, and even just the movement of eating on the other side is really really painful. Not fun.  It might stop me eating so much junk, though - another side-effect of being stressed, I always seem to do it.  I’ve put on half a stone since I came back from London. *mutters*

Note to self: must phone Hamilton Town House about Joseph tickets, I don’t want to end up not being able to get them (by the way, Henry, if you’re reading this, will you be back from the US by then?).  I’m looking forward to seeing it, but two friends whose opinions I trust weren’t keen on Craig at all.  We’ll see.

It looks like I’m back at HOL for good (if you don’t know, it’s best not to ask *g*).  I’ve been back on IRC for a few weeks now, September 1st was a week ago, and I’ve got almost everything for the month done already.  I swore I wasn’t going to get into the points race again, but it would seem I can’t help myself.  Certain people who always used to annoy me still do, but I’m trying my best to ignore them.  It’s nice to be back.

I bought Just Like Heaven on DVD for £5 yesterday (I like Reese Witherspoon, and Mark Ruffalo is worth watching pretty much anything for), and now I can’t find the bag.  This is not good.

A. x

So, after some consideration, a lot of “Do I really need a blog?” and several days trying to come up with the perfect name before realising that I had it all along in the name I used to use for my site a very long time ago, here I am. Well, actually I had the perfect name in the one I use for my email (notatoad.co.uk), but it’s hosted on 1and1, where I can’t use MySQL databases, so no WordPress.

I do intend to update this fairly regularly. Whether I’ll manage to stick to that or not … well, we’ll see. I don’t have any strict ideas as to what’s going to go in here. Whatever takes my fancy at the time, really. It’s my blog, if I feel like posting about something, I will.

Most of you don’t know, but my Grandpa died this summer. It’s the first time I’ve lost a relative (in fact, I’d only ever lost one person close to me before). Things are getting back to normal for me now, although I’m rather worried about Nana, she’s not coping too well. I just hope she realises that we’re all here for her, and she can get through this.

The big problem for me was the fact that he was ill during my exams in May/June. I passed chem (although not as well as I should have), but I failed maths. My resits were a couple of weeks ago (there are two exams for maths). The second one was about as good as an exam can get. The first … I’m not so sure. I’d like to think I’ve scraped a pass, but I don’t know. And I don’t know what happens if I have failed it … they might kick me out. If that happens, that’s surely the end of my uni time. I mean, who in their right mind would let me in anywhere with two failed degrees behind me? I’m trying to keep a lid on it, but truthfully, I’m worried. It’s the not knowing that gets me. All my plans, all my dreams could be down the drain in one fell swoop, and I don’t know. I think by this point last year, I had the results from my resits. I just hope I get them soon, or I’m going to go completely mad.

A. x